I read an article in the Guardian today
about a female writer who quit her PhD two years in, citing her working class
background as the basis of severe imposter syndrome (Article
here). It would be fair to say that my reaction to this has been as complex
as her reasons for doing and then quitting her PhD, I am a working class, care
experienced, autistic carer who is just about to start a PhD.
The main thing that struck me was that the author was trying to educate away her working class identity, fighting the internalised stigma of it as something a bit shameful and grubby. This internalised shame was the driver of her need to achieve, to transform her core self by attaining a status that would allow her to disavow her working class identity. While I can’t say that being working class has ever been such a stigma to me, it’s just who I am, I do understand the stigma that identity carries as a disabled and care experienced person. I am acutely aware of the life differences from my upbringing and in all that autism entails, so I have some insight into how she felt. We all face our own challenges, intersectional identity is complex and our demons are deeply personal.
We often talk about how education is transformative, but perhaps we don’t talk enough about what transformative education means. The author expected to transform her core self-perception, from ugly working class duckling to beautiful middle class swan, but if my life has taught me anything it is that the one thing you always take with you is yourself. Class identity is something more than a mere socio-economic marker of status, it infers internalised beliefs and barriers about what we are capable of. To truly grow through education (or anything else) we need to confront our internalised shame and see it for what it is: a lie shared between self and society, created to fit us into a niche. Perhaps it is the fact of my autism that shields me from this lie, I have never fit in and so I have no expectation of that.
If education is not changing our core self, then what does it transform? If we imagine our core self as a seed, then education is the soil. Learning makes us grow, makes our mind flower, but the essence of that seed is always there no matter where we end up. That might sound depressing for those who see their core self through the lens of stigma, but I see it as profoundly joyful. If we give that seed the right conditions, we are capable of growing every bit as tall as those who have not shared our privations, and that means that we can transform academia so that working class people like us don’t have to feel like the ugly duckling any more.
None of this is a criticism of the author of the Guardian article. She confronted her internalised shame and realised it was pushing her to behave in ways that made her unhappy. That realisation helped her to liberate herself from her shame, and that is to be celebrated. Being working class confers barriers; economic constraints, low expectations, reduced opportunities, limits on our time to learn and barriers of belonging, stigma and shame. Internalised shame and stigma is one barrier that we have the power to overcome, and in confronting and overcoming shame we can grow. Education is one way we can achieve personal growth, not as a scourge we punish ourselves with, but a joy we immerse ourselves in.
Editor's note - It is always a treat to have a guest writer, especially one so articulate. And one who is a Threads friend.
